I didn't know why I am here. All I know, it's just the two of us in this room. In this clumsy moment, you're there stood with all your SELF, which in the past always makes me tremble. And I hated to remember. Because now I remember all those tumbling down moments, all over like old speed movies running not only in my head, but I could feel it in my arms.
And I start to walk, a little bit frightened by your existence. But you must have caught the nervous in my eyes, cause instead of walking away like before, you walk closer..and closer...and I don't know when you picked my hand, and we keep walking, no voices, no soundtrack, no "hi, how are you", but in a sharp glance, I know you're smiling.
And my heart just collapsed.
Why you're always here, somebody's got to tell me! Ever since that first moment we met again, you're everywhere. And I see only those full-of-X files-secret-code-smiling face on my friends faces, so I crestfallen. It's not like I don't like you being here, nor you're not here. But it's been sometimes since we met. This is awkward. I already so wonted without you, and I am real scare to face the fighting once more, I am feeling that weakness-feel, I am scare if maybe I would have hurt you again. But you seemed not disturb by any storm attacking me, instead you always smiling and talk to me like the world already succeed reach to universe peace.
When you smile, I smile too. I can't deny the happiness of your existence, pour to every inch of my vessel, both artery and vena. I keep that anxiousness close in my chest.
Oh my, this is the summit I can't climbed more. My options whether to fell down or stay there and relish from-the-top views while try to respire, normally. "Don't do that please, let me keep carry out these memories alone, I am too scared to be hurt even once more", I want to scream, but I am too late as you hold my hand close to your chest. You smile and start singing...
"Aku masih sayang, aku masih sayang padamu.."
I'm still in love, I'm still in love with you...my brown eyes guy sing to me.
I couldn't help not to crying, crying of happiness, I feel all the burden mist flee. I release all the pain, not me, it releases itself. LIKE NEVER BEFORE. On that top I know, if I'd just decided to go down the valley barely, this miracle just won't happened.. I forgot that this feeling for you is so big, big enough it almost killed me when I tried to let you go. But I am total fly now, I can see my feet aren't step on the floor. And I am smiling, the smile you had once to me, I have it for you now...
So it is.
It must come to an end, anyhow.
I opened my eyes, for seconds my mind was still in there. But my heart was never left that air. I caught my lips are pulled on my pillow, i was smiling in my sleep. The first smile after 3 weeks of anger, pain, sensitiveness...
